Note to long-suffering hubby who patiently skims my blogs: Just skip this one, honey. You've heard it all already, and besides this way i can talk about you. HAH!
Well, Monday has come and is nearly gone, and poor Dynamo dog is still in residence at the local Veterinary Inn. Every day that goes by i repeat to myself "He'll be better than ever! He'll be better than ever!" and try not to think about the peanut butter sandwiches and beans in our future...and if one more person says innocently to me, "Well surely you have health insurance for the dogs," i'm not sure what will come out of my mouth.
Today was a fun day at Chronic Pain 101.
First i learned that if this class were kindergarten, i'd have gotten a gold star for sure.
Second, i learned that what i thought was a bad job of following the meditation/relaxation exercise was actually a good job.
Third, i was told i was analytical--which i totally thought was a good thing--but then they all smiled wisely at each other while nodding their heads. i proved i was analytical by coming home and looking up the definition of analytical on 6 different online dictionaries to see what could be wrong about that.
OH--and fourth, i seem to be the only junior higher in the bunch.
So, gold star--great way to start my day. i had my session with the nurse where she asked me questions and looked at my pain journal. We chatted and did the questions, and she praised my pain journal saying it was probably the best one she'd seen for a "week one" person. i said, "Well, i do like to write." i actually enjoyed trying to figure out my pain number on a scale of 1 to 10 and then write what i was doing at the time. Partly i was thinking it would help me connect what causes the pain to fluctuate. So that was cool.
Regarding the meditation/relaxation--it was a great exercise where we were to follow our breath and focus on our breath in order to clear our worries and such out of our minds. We were to count each breath, and if we got distracted by a sound or thought we were to start over at one. After, i agreed that was really helpful. i liked it. But i mentioned that for me it seemed like i was saying in my head, "One..." (i wonder how Dyno's doing? OH SHOOT.) "One..." (i really like her hair today. DANG) "One..." .........and so on. Anya the nurse said, "But that's good! That means you were really staying with it! You didn't start to count then go off in your head for 20 minutes then remember to count, you were really bringing yourself back--that's great!" So for the second time i was all proud of myself.
Then, the analytical thing--we were in our half hour group session with the cute little young psychologist. Tomorrow the newbies will come with the looks of confusion the rest of us had the first day. But for today we were only 2 men, 2 other women, me, and the psychologist.
Like i said before, i talk. Often, i talk more than others. Not to make excuses, these others are really quiet. But i feel if i ask questions i understand more, therefore learning more. And i want to get the most out of these 5 weeks. At one point as i was picking their brains, one looked at me and said with a smile, "You're analytical." Then the psychologist and the 2 others who've been there longest looked at each other and nodded sagely and said, "She's analytical." i'm sure i looked confused, as the word "analytical" to me matches up with smart, logical people. But the group wasn't saying it in that way.
*editing here--i realized i left this out: "And how am i being analytical?" "Because you want to know how it all fits together NOW," one of the longer members said.
i said, "And?" She turned to me with a wise smile and said, "You can't know." Whuh?
i remain confused. i of course, in good people-pleaser fashion, laughed and played it off. But when i looked up "analytical," the Cambridge Dictionary Online said:
"analytical: adjective. Examining or tending to examine things very carefully."
To me, this sounds like a good thing. For example, one should always examine restaurant salads very carefully. i have found bugs.
Perhaps i am to simply Let It Go and Let It Show Up Unannounced. Whatever "It" is. i still don't know what the hell they meant. Perhaps i shall risk another question and ask.
Oh--and my forth and final lesson of the day, that i am the only junior higher in the group: i was asking about relaxation cds, as i had liked the one we used this afternoon and was relaxing quite well until they said to "relax your genitals." They suggested i could just overlook it the next time now that i had heard it, and i said, "i'm sorry, but i will always laugh when they say 'sphincter,'" which was the next thing we were to "relax." The psychologist said my laughter meant i was uncomfortable. i agreed, yup, and asked, "Seriously? None of the rest of you had trouble with that?" Only one girl laughed and said she'd also been caught off guard. The rest of them all pulled solemn expressions onto their faces and shook their heads saying, "No, no..." So i can only surmise i am either the only junior higher, or the only honest person in the bunch.
So, all in all, it was a day. A full day. (Apparently full of people capable of being told to relax their sphincters, without even cracking a smile.)