Saturday, December 29, 2007

The Ultimate Sweating Machine.

The thing i asked hubby for this year was the Ultimate Sweater Machine. As advertised:
The Ultimate Sweater Machine® is the fast, easy way to knit!

Learn today, make it tonight, wear it tomorrow!

They lie.
i've been sweating over it for most of a week now, with my success vs mess-ups ratio at about 50/50. For as the lady on the dvd says, "for some of you, this will come easily, while for others of you...." --here her voice fades out, and the voice in MY head says, "it will be a total b***ch!"

i decided early on, given those odds, i would rise to the challenge and allow myself time to become familiar and perhaps even proficient on said Sweating Machine. i've had moments of sheer brilliance, where row upon row sang sweetly. i've also had looong moments of sheer frustration, where numerous stitches were skipped, leaving me pitchy and tuneless. But i'm gaining on it. The Machine and i are developing a relationship.

Before the arrival of my gift, i imagined myself knitting "600 to 1200 stitches per minute!" while whipping out sweaters with clever cables and perhaps making "a sweater or afghan in two evenings." (That's what the ad says.)

Currently i'm imagining myself completing a potholder in reasonable harmony.

Seriously though, once The Machine and i become true friends, i believe we can do beautiful things together. Until then i have resigned myself to the fact that i fall into category 2, the one for whom the road to success is roughly paved. i have a mental picture of a category 1 long, leggy Swedish model sitting down to her knitting machine and casually (and with perfect teeth and posture) beginning to make a beautifully fitted sweater on her first try. At the moment i am the stubbier and sweatier hausfrau to her right, yarn and hair in tangles, wild-eyed and giggling insanely over her machine.

i'll give myself a few more days. i'm going to master it, really i am. i'll keep you posted.

OH--Skimmer's Recap--
Ultimate Sweater Machine, harder than it looks. Leggy Swedish model (HAH! Got your attention there, didn't i?) with smooth road. Me, old fashioned cobblestones with potholes and too many analogies. (Metaphors? Whatever.)

1 comment:

Unknown said...

You Go Girl!

I am wrapped up in my own little knitting experience of the old fashion kind. Making Gdaughter #1 fingerless gloves using the knit in the round method and four double pointed needles. Lost one needle .............. Well this is sounding like it needs a post of it's own and not a comment.

Any way.... Be sure and post some photos of your pot holders. ;-)

Good luck kiddo.