Jack of All Crafts and Master of None Tries Weaving: Part 2

Isn't this pretty?

 i love the light shining through the lovely warping i did on my loom. And it didn't even take too many bad words to get it here! The loopy bits of string are the heddles. Two bars have these strings so that one bar at a time can be lifted

 into these holders at each side of the loom. Each of the two bars holds every other thread on the warp (the vertical threads) so they can be lifted to pass the weft (the horizontal threads) through. This makes your basic over-under weave.

Here you can see the two bars with their tediously done heddles. What you don't see is the blood, sweat and tears it took to get it this far. There were also Magic Eye sightings of a unicorn and a possible emu.

Once my psyche had healed adequately from the warping experience, i started my Tapestry weaving dvd by Nancy Harvey. And the fun thing is, you get to see 1980s Nancy AND 1990s Nancy! Other than the funky 80s glasses she was wearing she didn't look very different. Future Nancy shows up to add some information to Current Nancy's lesson.

80s Nancy has us start this way: a little weaving of plastic bag strips to start spreading the warp out evenly, then a hem (that's the dark brown in my weaving below.) i can't help but think of it as a footer. The "cartoon" is pinned behind the area to be woven--that's the enlarged picture outline you see. Calling it a cartoon is just the whimsy i need. See that cool tool? It's to beat down the weft as you weave it.

Notice the loopy bits above the weaving? This is called "bubbling," also a very whimsical term. Apparently bad bubbling can cause problems, bringing to mind one of my favorite life sayings: "Any bubbling worth doing is worth doing well."

If this was a yoga pose it would be called something like "downward facing camel."

And from those humble beginnings, i am this far. Nearly done with project 1!



Skimmer's Recap: Glad to be done with the warping, and now there's not much "weft" to do. (Weaving humor. Deal with it.)

A Jack of All Crafts and Master of None Tries Weaving, Part 1

this was titled "Lowell Mill Girls" on the Emory University site.

Once upon a time in a land not so far away, a girl went to college. In this land, the field of Home Economics was not frowned upon as sexist and worthless, so this girl learned many intriguing skills with fibers. She learned to tat, she learned to knit fancy patterns, she learned clever tricks for the sewing of clothes. But her favorite, the one that stayed in her mind for years, was that of Weaving.

The loom was large, and the girl was fascinated. "Ah, if only I may be so fortunate as to put my bustle on and use a loom again in the future after I leave this place," she dreamed.

In later years the girl tried a small tabletop loom, but it was too small. She tried a rug loom, but alas it was too large and bulky. Then she received the Schacht Spindle Company's tapestry loom from her husband for Christmas and, you guessed it--it was *Just Right.*

Here's my Schacht Tapestry Loom hanging out in the guest/fiber-craft room. It's about two feet wide, but the size is no problem since we also bought the A-Frame stand for the loom. It adjusts to whatever angle is comfortable for use. And it's pretty all on its own and smells good, of freshly finished wood. So far, I love this company! I emailed them with a question and ended up having a lovely, helpful exchange with Denise.

One of my favorite things about any craft is reading up on it. I bought a book called Tapestry Weaving by Kirsten Glasbrook that got the best reviews on Amazon, and a dvd called Tapestry Weaving 1 by Nancy Harvey that's like a little class where the teacher takes you through three different projects to teach you different techniques.



Tapestry Weaving, the Schacht Tapestry Loom instructions, & Tapestry Weaving dvd.

My other favorite thing is gathering the bits and pieces needed to do the craft, in this case the fibers. I did my shopping in the guest/fiber-craft room stash. There is, let's just say, an "adequate" amount to shop in.


going with a green, blue & purple vibe for the first project.

*WARNING: WEAVING TERMS AHEAD.
In all fairness, when the loom first came I used some string to try warping it (those are the long threads that go top to bottom.) It's tricky till you get the hang of it--and in all fairness, I never really got the hang of it on that try.

So I followed the instructions to made the reusable heddles--those are the strings that lift every other warp yarn to make a basic over-under weave. The instructions showed a simple way to get them all the right size.

Using the heddle bar support to make reusable heddles. Then they all match! Imagine that.

This is the cool bunch of matching little tied strings I ended up with. Yes, I made them in bunches of 15 because I knew I would never keep track of the total otherwise.

And now to warp the loom. It does this cool "Magic Eye" thing while you're trying to do this, one of those, "is this in front or behind? Can I squint just right and make it into a picture?" This just adds to the thrill of the chase.



Okay! I'm finally starting to get the hang of it--4 inches into it. I still have another 11 inches to go.

Time for a nap. I'll keep you posted.


Skimmer's recap: julie likes crafts and things with yarn, and loves cool tools, but rarely wears her bustle anymore.

Basic article on weaving terms: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warp_(weaving)

Knitting endorphins.

endorphins

n.

Any of a group of peptide hormones that bind to opiate receptors and are found mainly in the brain. Endorphins reduce the sensation of pain and affect emotions.

(from Answers.com)

I've never been one to get an endorphin rush from running/biking/mountain climbing/skydiving--mainly because I lack the drive  to get out of the starting gate, let alone the endurance to reach that awesome endorphin high I've read about. And yet, according to the definition above, I've been an endorphin junky from the start. Since childhood, I've found creating, thinking about creating, collecting ideas for creating, all create me a happy place. That's a place with positively affected emotions that over-rule mental, emotional, or physical pain, without the nasty side effects of an opiate.  And knitting is only one of the forms of creating I enjoy.


Perhaps I should market a bumper sticker that says, "I Knit for Endorphins." It could catch on.


One of my favorite things about searching the WorldWideInterWeb is seeing this sort of thing pop up:

Find Endorphins Huge savings on Endorphins: Browse a large selection  & grab a bargain!  www.best-price.com/Endorphins

In all honesty, I would love to "browse a large selection of endorphins and grab a bargain" but you and i both know, best-price.com does not carry them. So why tease me?


Anyway, back to knitting and endorphins, I bought some beautiful yarn when I was in Alabama,

at the store below, "In the Making." Great name, eh? The yarn is really a bright, beachy turquoise, but apparently there are limits to my iPhone's photo capabilities.

And once inside the store,

the sight alone of bins full of yarn starts the endorphins rolling for me. 


The particular yarn I purchased has a great story as well--

for beyond its cool name and tag, there's a great back-story to the yarn. The company is MANOS del URUGUAY, which means Hands of Uruguay. It's a "non-profit organization that assembles over 400 artisans in cooperatives scattered throughout the countryside of Uruguay. The aim of the organization is to bring economic and social opportunities to rural women." The yarn is hand dyed in large kettles, creating the striated effect.


I think life is hard if my economic status says I need to cut back on my lattes, and here's a company making an amazing product that is helping women even have an economic status.


I wish the photos could show the reality of the color, texture, and marble-like shading.  The yarn is a Peruvian cotton of wonderful softness. It came in a hank, typical of the nicer (translate: "spendier") yarns. When initially untwisted from the hank it looks like that first picture above, a big loop of loveliness. (And in a new experience, these hanks were tied with the devil's own knot--likely offered to me by God in the interest of teaching me that I may need patience, even in my happy place.)


For actually knitting, an evenly wound ball is much better to pull from and less tangly, so you use one of these:

a yarn swift,
and one of these:

a ball winder, to make these,

lovely cakes of yarn, with the yarn pulling from the inside all neatly and efficiently.


In case you don't know what swifts and winders are, here's a quick explanation. The swift (which looks, I realize, like a badly designed umbrella) serves as the hands to hold the opened hank of yarn so it doesn't tangle--while the winder turns and rolls the yarn into the adorable (yet sadly inedible) cake. The  "real" type of yarn store (one that is all about the fibers and doesn't really offer non-fiber related products and has a cool fiber-related name) usually has the swift and ball winder on hand so they can do it for you if you don't have the equipment at home. Me? I love gadgets. My winder is a simple hand crank while the ones at yarn stores usually use power. Mine was cheaper, and surely cranking by hand must burn off a calorie or two as well?


Next time I'll show you what I'm making with this reminiscent-of-a-summer-day yarn, just in case you're interested.


But getting back to the endorphins, I think I can use knitting--all parts of it from the yarn store to the finished product--as natural pain relief and more balanced emotions. Shouldn't that make it payable by my insurance? Hmm... I need to check into that.


Where do you "browse" for endorphins? What's your endorphin-high of choice? And let's keep it legal, and not too embarrassing, okay? ;-D




Skimmer's Recap: i browse for MY endorphins at the yarn store!

Knitting: New "Cool Tool"

I've mentioned in the past (interruptions: Come out and play!) my love of Cool Tools. Yes, I LOVE gadgets.

My newest LARGE Cool Tool is the Silver Reed LK 150 knitting machine.

Men and (other) women may love talking about 0 to 60 in however many seconds, or horse power under the hood, but me? I'm thrilled by words like "tension" and "150 needles" and "row counter."

To many others these may be words of a foreign nature, and tension merely states the feeling after work each day, or needles just remind you of your last trip to the doctor's. But to me? Ahhhhh....sweet drippings of nectar into my mouth.

I understand it may look like nothing much to you, but let me tell you about it! If you have ever used a sewing machine or done any hand knitting or crocheting, you will understand "tension." Without correct tension being held the stitches will be all wonky and uneven, but with tension? A whole new world of precise, beautifully matched stitches one after the other after the other.

I have been using The Ultimate Sweater Machine by Bond for the past few years with a decent amount of success (pictures of projects at the link above. And any of you who know me can totally accept that I had just that look of happy pride the lady at the top right of the box has. HAHAAHAHA! There were some great moments of frustration.

 

See those cute antennas on the first photo, the Silver Reed? Those are part of the aforementioned Good Tension. Notice the antennas on the Sweater Machine? No? That's because there are none! And yet I managed to make some decent projects on it. So I am pretty much guaranteed success on the new one, right?

I purchased the Silver Reed LK150 at That Yarn Store in nearby Dublin, CA. Lessons are included in the purchase price, so yesterday when I picked it up I had my first lesson. The owner teaches a lot of classes on a variety of levels of machines and in a variety of needle arts. She has taught classes on my first love, the Sweater Machine, and told me I should be very proud if I was able to turn out projects. My first lesson on my new love (no, I am not fickle, I just love them all) was to get me used to the machine set-up and get me over any fear of the machine and the usage of it and the yarn.

I just get all warm inside when I think about it! I even bought a very cool metal case that looks like I'm carrying a rifle--so very American of me to appear to be "carrying." :-)

Skimmer's Recap: Julie got a cool new toy. See Julie smile.

My husband's new Samsung toy.

My hubby is up for an upgraded cell phone, and picked the Samsung Sync in red! We both love "cool tools" having an appreciation for the technology needed to make a user-friendly cell phone, table saw, or food processor. i mean, the more nicely made the tool, the easier it is to use.

Okay, so many (okay, most) of these goodies aren't neccessities--but nicely made tools do make our lives easier, not to mention more fun. It's supposed to arrive tomorrow, and we're both a little excited! Especially since with the upgrade online he got it for free.

Cool AND free--two of my favorites!

Spilling creative juices.

Melanie came over yesterday to play with my new cool tool, the Tag A Long. She already loves doing handmade cards, so introducing her to yet another way to decorate them, well, she was all a-quiver. (Is that a word??)

i had emailed Sizzix to ask them whether or not i could use the Cuttlebug dies in the Sizzix machine, and got the reply that, yes i could, but i might need to use a shim. (Not to be confused with a "shiv" though i expect you could use a shiv as a shim, if need be.) Cuttlebug has these cute 2 part dies that punch out a background shape and then the shape of a hand-drawn outline. They come in butterflies, hearts, flowers, etc. Being the good little consumer i am, i went to my local Michael's and bought the flower die set. So not only did Mel get to experience the Tag A Long for the first time, she got to share in the experience of the new 2 part flower die. It reminded us of 2 part rubber stamp sets by Stampin' Up! and Close To My Heart. ANYway, a good time was had by all!

At the top: Mel's 2 cards, which i love! and my first card. Below is the second one i did, which i ruined when i tried to use embossing powder on the petals. This is as close a look as i'm gonna let you get.

Come out and play!

Toward the end of a very long, very mentally/emotionally/physically achy day (yes, i'm pretty sure my emotions can be achy--) Cool Tool #3 came!! The Sizzix goodies!! i spent two hours trying every single bit of it out, each dollar die, each embosser, the sample papers. i still hurt, but i was distracted by the joy of creating.

What works for you? What takes your worries and aches away? Scrapbooking (creative) and knitting (creative) and reading help a lot. Often i like to organize something to keep my mind off of things--i once read that a person who is predominantly right brain (creative) can relax and de-stress their brain by doing something left brain (logical) and vice versa. i think that's where my enjoyment of organizing comes in, and my love of playing with Excel. i'm a predominantly creative person, things like math and organization not coming easily to me. Plus i'm left-handed, which is apparently also a right brain thing-- So, though it seems weird to me, both creating and organizing relax me.

Please share with me--i'm feeling lonely out here in blog-land!

A Cool Tool birthday!

i have to say, this was one fun birthday. i've been in the mood for "cool tools" for scrapbooking, after having done quite a lot of scrapbooking over the past 6 months. i'm a self-admitted Gadget Girl, having already said a fair amount about The Joy of Laundry, when we got our new Frigidaire front loader washer and dryer. But when Dean asked what i wanted for my birthday, and i answered my usual "i don't really know--" and my next usual, "how about money to shop?" (since i do love the shopping!) i figured that if i saw "it" i would know it.

So, after dear Dean took me to the Sushi House and to Beverly's craft store where i bought 2 strips of stickers, i took matters into my own hands. On that fateful day after my chronic pain management overview class, i went to the *Mega* huge Michael's, where the sound of angel choirs rang out as i walked through the door. It was there, as i wandered the aisles upon aisles of scrapbooking goodies that i saw "It." The Memory Makers Tag Maker. With this cool tool i would have the capability to coordinate my tags to my pages! Cool! Plus i had a 40% off coupon for any regular priced item--when that wad of mostly useless store ads comes in, i whip through it for my Michael's coupon-- Do i have something i need to buy at Michael's for which i should have that coupon? Not necessarily. But carrying it in my purse for the week it's valid, ahhh, what a sense of power!

One of the things i had looked for on my birthday shopping expeditions was a way to emboss paper and give it texture, thus giving me options for all my less expensive cardstocks. But the frustration was, designs could be embossed on an area of the paper, but i wanted an all-over background sort of texture on a full sheet. That didn't appear possible, at least not with my budget. My friend Melanie and i have discussed the pros and cons of die cut machines--mostly in the sense of "do you care about die cuts?" "Not really. Die cuts are sorta boring."

But me and my gadget lust, i had to at least look at them and read reviews and compare them. Starting at $50 for a Sizzix Sidekick (one of the manual crank type models) and working up to several hundred dollars for fully electronic ones, the price tag has been one of the hugest deterrents for me. Then when you add the cost of the dies themselves, with alphabets costing over a hundred on some systems, you're talking a sizable investment. And speaking of size, you have to have space to put all these tools and bits. My budget is small, but my space is smaller. And i wanted embossed patterns, not just cute little cut out letters and shapes. That didn't look like it was going to happen.

Did this stop me from perusing the cool tool websites? No way! And while cruising the Sizzix site, i found their most excellent "Online Specials" section! Many things for a dollar, and even the daintily sized Tag A Long machine for but a mere $11. Which came first, the Sidekick or the Tag A Long? i'm guessing they are the same thing, their dimensions and other specifications sound identical, the only difference appears to be the color and the name. But the Sidekick is 50 bucks, AND THE TAG A LONG IS $11! i am a *happy* Gadget Girl! i wander through the clearance, finding myself dies for a buck to enhance the Tag A Long, and even little embossing goodies for a buck! So, for just under $50, i end up with a tiny machine that will cut cute little letters and shapes and even emboss shapes into the paper, BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! i also get somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 more dies and embossed shapes, plus the necessary accessories to use the 12 inch long dies, AND a 12 inch long die! For the usual price of just the machine and its included sample of dies i end up with the machine, accessories, and even more dies and embossers.

But did my Cool Tool birthday end there? NO! Another tool i have looked at but thought "i can't spend the money on that" was The Fastenater byEK Success, with its cute and decorative staples, meant to be both a way to attach things to your pages AND be cute! The cost on Amazon was about $24, and maybe it's just me, but no matter how cute the staples, that seems spendy for a stapler. It does have a long reach, making it possible to attach anywhere in a 12 inch page. That's a bonus. And the staples come in metallics, and pastels, and primaries, and with designs on them. But $24 for a stapler? i just didn't know. BUT--the search also showed a pink one for $13. So, again! A deal. That became my sister's present to me, since she already knows me well enough to send me spending money for my birthday, and just skip that whole question, "what do you think you'd like?"

So, i have the tag maker in my possession, and have found it simple and fun to use, and am anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Tag A Long from Sizzix, and the Fastenater from Amazon. i got deals on all of them, something that should make even my friend Frugalina proud.

Julie & The Week Of Many Colors

Wow. It's been quite a week, and today is only Thursday. First there was my birthday on Sunday, with the Sushi House in Alameda, and Beverly's craft store, and cheesecake at my oldest daughter's house with the crazy-funny grandchildren.

Then Monday i lost my cell phone. Feeling somewhat philosophical, since i've done this before and found it before, i got on with my life.

Tuesday i went to part 2 of Chronic Pain Management Clinic's overview class. We discussed drugs of many shapes and sizes and how they work, and i think some of us tucked away some ideas for "dang, that one sounds like fun!" We received our Letters of Recommendation from the Clinic staff for which group they think we should be in. Mine is the intensive one--5 weeks of 4 hours 4 days a week, and a family support group meeting on Friday afternoons for those 5 weeks to which we bring a family or friend support person. They've found, in the 27 years this clinic has been running, that people with support tend to retain the positive results of the program much longer. i had mixed feelings about being put in the intensive program--do they think i really need straightening out? Do they think i'm that messed up? Or did i just exaggerate on the many-paged questionaire? Or are they just trying to kill me and get me out of the Kaiser health system? One thing was for sure--where many people got appointments with their letter because the staff felt they needed more information, mine came appointment free, because, you know me, there were words to spare on my questionaire!

At this point, still no phone. But i'm not too worried. It will show up.

That day, Tuesday, was also my 31st anniversary, not to mention the anniversary of the whole 9-11 awfulness. But we were there first--we had staked our claim on 9-11 many years before. And a side note, i know 4 other couples with anniversaries on 9-11, how weird is that? If it were a date in June i might expect it, but September? We celebrated by Dean going to work and me going to the pain clinic class. i was pretty tired by the end of all that, (plus the shopping at the HUGE Michael's craft store in Union City where the clinic is) so we ate leftover pizza for dinner and stayed home! Ah, the wild things we are, 31 years into this relationship. We'll celebrate on a weekend, we decided. Not this coming one, however, because one of those couples who share the date is having a 25th wedding anniversary party on Sunday, my good friend Julia and her hubby Greg.

Still no phone--we've called my daughter, asked the grandkids, checked under the furniture in the house, and the seats of the cars. i've even cleared out some stacks of papers on the kitchen counter in hopes of finding it buried in their depths. But no.

Wednesday night my good friend Melanie comes over to help me play with stuff for our friend Julia's anniversary photo album. We both love all the crafty gadgets and goodies, and agree that shopping for the stickers/papers/inks/pens/stamps etc for the project is just as much fun as actually using them. Therefore, we both have a mighty fine assortment to choose from at any given moment. Plus she is good for my cooking confidence--i've never thought of myself as a particularly good cook. i mean, nobody has ever starved to death on my watch, but they aren't exactly lined up on the front steps for my recipes and meals, either. But she tells me i am a fine cook, and eats what i make without complaint, but then we tend to like the same stuff--pasta, comfort food creaminess, chocolate. Anyway, we had eaten and were playing with the table full of scrapbooking goodies when my youngest daughter called from the train in Spain (falls mainly on the plain? No wait--that's the rain--.)

"We have a situation," she said somewhat calmly for someone calling at great expense from their cell phone in a foreign country. "We had bedbugs in the sleeper car on the train," pausing to let me absorb that bit of information. "And they're in everything. Do you have any idea how to get rid of them?" Well, if she was calling me for support and help, i may have not made the best choice of responses, as i immediately got very icked out. EEEEWWWW!!! BUGS!!!!! Apparently she had been unable to sleep, and turned on the light, and saw the little bugs all over their stuff and they had bites on them as well. EEEEEEEWWWW shudder.... i'm itching now just thinking about it.

"Let me go jump on the computer and look bedbugs up on the internet," i say. And jump i did. Nasty little buggers they are, bloodsuckers with an attitude. i read her what i'm finding, and most of it is descriptions of the little lovelies--who needs that, she has the actual bugs to study--HOW do you get RID of them?? While we're looking at that, hubby Luis goes off to find someone in the train to tell--they're in Spain, he speaks Spanish, it seems right. But apparently there aren't a lot of people up in the middle of the night Spain train time. i read what i can find about how to kill the little buggers (i'll never again be quite as casual about saying "the little buggers") in between shuddering and saying "Oh i'm so sorry! That is so gross and disturbing!" She promises to let me know what they find out. It is so bad that Luis picks up his jacket and the bugs sprinkle out. This is NOT how sleeper trains are on movies. Often someone is knifed to death or poisoned or some such thing, but there are never bedbugs.

All evening my dear hubby asks me questions about my phone at intervals: do i rememember picking it up Sunday night? Where else could it possibly be? Twenty minutes of silence. Did you check your pockets?

Melanie calls it a night, i stack our supplies for further use on Saturday. Hubby has already headed up to bed--he gets up at a time that i could much more easily stay up till.

i do all the usual light-turning-off and door locking and go upstairs where i flip the light on in our closet to find my jammies. Something catches my eye--a smallish dark object laying in the floor of the closet--"i just found my phone!!!" i exclaim happily. Even from where he is already trying to sleep Dean is happy.

i take that moment to plug the phone in (it's quite thoroughly dead) and text a message to Corinne on the night train in Spain: "Nighty night, and don't let the you-know-whats bite."

And it's only Thursday.

Making laundry fun.

Now, i am not one to ordinarily sing the praises of my whitest whites and cleanest jeans, but OH, WE BOUGHT A NEW WASHER AND DRYER!! And laundry is fun again--not that i can dredge up a time that i was ever thrilled with it--

Due to our ongoing remodel, and the various tentacles of it that stretch into many parts of the house, the new water heater (the on-demand, hanging on the wall kind) "needed its space." Technically, it needed more room in front of it to satisfy the hunger of the county inspectors to make people change things to suit their rules and whims. So, since the laundry area and the water heater were sharing, we decided to get stacking front loaders for the laundry to give the water heater some room (if not privacy.)

Who would have thought it could be so thrilling to replace the washer and dryer? i must admit to having felt quite spoiled for years, since even in our first apartment as a married couple we had our own washer and dryer in our own attached garage. Oh sure, over the past nearly 31 years washers and dryers have come and gone--hand me downs, occasionally purchased, but always the same types. But THIS time....it's a brave new world!....stacking, front loading, water saving--the kind they've been using in England for years (the smartie pants.) PLUS, i have this all new and cool shelf system just to the right of the units, leaving plenty of breathing space between the shelves and the water heater. It's all very cool.

It's pretty sad, though--here we are, doing the 50's commercial-speak, admiring our bright whites, and being serious about it. Even Dynamo, our most curious dog, has sat in front of it a few times and watched the washer spin, wagging his tail.

For a few more weeks at least, laundry will be fun.

Using my goodies

For years i've collected scrapbooking goodies: papers, stickers, alphabets, tools. . . oh, and rubber stamps and inks and pens, and scissors that make cool edges. And paper punches in shapes. And glues and tapes. But for years i hadn't done anything with all the stuff except for collect it. Once upon a time, pretty much in the stone ages of scrapbooking when there were only pens and solid colored papers and maybe a punch or two, i started scrapbooking. Not unlike many things in my life, including a hand-stitched quilt i started for my oldest when she was 8 and finished (on the machine) for her 18th birthday, after an initial burst of energetic scrapbooking, my supplies sat idly in their containers.

i think in a way i was afraid to attack the scrapbooking of our millions of photos. When i started scrapbooking back in the day, it was a simple thing. When i started thinking i'd like to get started again, i took a walk through a local scrapbooking and rubber stamping store, California Stampin'. OH MY. Miles of stickers and papers and embellishments (a word i had not previously known) filled the aisles. More miles of pens and glitters and chalks and endless colored ink pads filled a few more aisles. Magazines and books on scrapbooking and card making filled an entire wall. Overload!

If only i did not like taking pictures so much--and if i had not had children who had then given me grandchildren, or gone on vacations, i would not have so many photos to organize. But i attacked the organization of said photos, cleared myself a space to work, and stared blankly. Organized photos, organized supplies, and no ideas for moving forward.

Between seeing the themed (non-chronological) albums of an Alabama cousin, and finding the magazine named (perfectly for me) Simple Scrapbooks, i began actually using some of my long-hoarded supplies!!! i was on fire!! i made a heritage album of old photos from my husband's side of the family, and then one titled "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" for last year's vacation photos (with room for more,) and an entire Hawaii album for our 30th anniversary trip. Now i've attacked my chronological family photos once again--i'm trying to make my way out of the 90's, having just finished 1997 yesterday evening with Scrubs as background noise.

So if you feel i have disappeared from sight, i've only gone as far as the 90's. i'll try to be back before the Y2K bug hits.

i have good friends.

Not that i thought my friends were bad, but i've had some nice things happen lately.

First, there was that whole birthday thing in September. My sister and i have talked about how we both have some deep-seated dread of our birthdays. Nothing to do with the amount of years, though that carries its own trauma. So there i was, dreading my birthday the whole week previous, trying to put on a happy face, and then it all started flowing. i got to chat with a long distance friend, got to see my beautiful long distance grandkids on the webcam, got calls and cards from local friends and children, not to mention the perfect gift of a bag full of chocolate bars from my husband. And they weren't just any cards, and they weren't just any chocolates, they were special and thoughtful and funny cards, and lovely special chocolate bars. The kinds of things where you know the person really thought about you when they bought them. And on top of all that, i got to go to lunch and shopping with friends and daughters--TWICE!

But why just feel bad about my birthday? There is of course the whole fibromyalgia thing. Again, i try to not be a big crybaby about it. i do whine some. i do get grumpy a little. But it does tend to get me down from time to time, what with that whole crappy-sleep/constantly-achy-body thing.
And then there are always finances to worry about--why the heck our electric bill is as high as it is, why i am seemingly incapable at age 53 of making a simple budget and making it work. As somebody who believes in the God who made the universe (and me) i believe i'm to be a good manager of what resources He's given me. But can i ask Him for a raise in my allowance? That would be so much easier than trying to learn to live within my means!

And then there are my fears--the fears that keep me from doing things i would like to do. There's the fear of New, the fear of Failure, the fear of Large Bodies of Water. Recently daughter Corinne and i were discussing what we would do if we could have any job. She'd really like to know that about herself, since she's currently spending hours and hours finishing her college degree and considering going into a Master's program. i said i would love to write and publish--one thing i am passionate about is writing. i do some of my best thinking that way. Now, if we were talking about the fear of New Kinds of Chocolate, i'd be willing to try some total immersion therapy, but when it's the fear of something where i think others will be judging me? That gets pretty darn different.

So those are a few worries, a select few of the worthless crop i am currently fertilizing. But again, i am somebody who believes in the God who not only made me (and the universe!) but that He actually cares about my life. And that includes my birthday-dread, and my fibromyalgia-sleep-deprivation-crabbiness, and even my phobia about opening my electric bill.

So i've been conversing with God lately about the above-mentioned stuff--living within our means financially, dreams and passions i'm afraid to follow, pretty much all the stuff above except i'm not really ready to chat about the whole water thing just yet. And i've been trying to not only talk, but listen. You know, the kind of thing that makes a real relationship--the sharing, the not-one-sidedness. And i put a disclaimer here: if you are the sort of person who feels strongly that the creator of the universe (and you!) does not dilly-dally about having chats with 53 year old women about their fears and dreams like some cosmic slumber party, you should probably stop reading. Because lately i have been having a hard time hearing His voice, and i've been asking God if the stupid little crap of my life matters to Him. These are the ongoing inner conversations in my head as i go through my day doing laundry and such.

So i've been thinking about getting a new cell phone. i realize a cell phone is a frivolous thing, so how can i think about getting a new one if i have one that works? Well, this cell phone thing applies here because i have been saying to God, in the mode of trying to be responsible with the money we have, "i will not get one if it costs." You see, in our house, we are gadget fiends. We do love our cell phones and computers and cool tools. So a cell phone, here in the land of plenty, is not a big thing. Twelve year olds have cell phones here. i decided to be content until i found a freebie that i liked. And then my friend got a new cell phone. It glimmered in the light as i felt the gadget fiend within me rise up. But no--i've made a commitment. It must be free. i had been looking on our provider's site every week at what they might have. One similar to my friend's was, with rebates, $80. Not free. Now, again, here i know that to some, 80 bucks is two weeks groceries, and to others that's just the price of a good lunch. But, remembering my decision, no go. Not free.

But what's the harm in looking at the features and comparing reviews on Cnet and Amazon and such? This will fill my gadget cup for now. So i open Amazon to see if there are more details not on the Cingular site, and look up the phone.

It was there for $0.01. One cent. One penney. Huh. Cool.

A couple of days later i received my copy of "Simple Scrapbooks" magazine, and start flipping through the pages. i'm one of those people who tends to read all the pages, even the letters to the editor. So i perused the ads in the front, i started reading the letters from readers, and one sounded so very like me until i realized, it IS me--it's an email i sent them a couple of months ago. Not a piece of writing i sweat bullets over, but an email i just sent off one day because i like their magazine. My thoughts, my name, published right there on the page of a magazine. i laughed. Huh. Cool.

So, last night with my Bible study homies, i shared these two bits of news about the phone and the magazine. i asked them, "So, do you think God really answers stuff like that?" i mean, can God answer prayers through a cell phone? Am i just nuts to think He cares about the cell phones and the writing desires of my heart? If i had not been talking to Him about these very things for the last couple of weeks, i might have thought these were random acts in a random world. But no, i think they show God has a sense of humor.

So, here's where we get back to that concept of relationship with God. My most valuable friendships are ones that are reciprocal--not just me giving, not just them giving, but the give and take that creates closeness and trust between us. God, for all that parting-of-the-Red-Sea kind of action is still seeking to have a relationship with me. i know i've made the mistake of putting my parents' faces onto God. i know i've struggled long to separate what i saw as parenthood when a child from the truth of God's care as my Father. i read a verse yesterday in the book of John, chapter 14. It's verse 18, where Jesus is telling his disciples that even though he was leaving them soon he would ask God to send them the Holy Spirit to be with them and counsel them. He said, "No, I will not abandon you as orphans--I will come to you."

Abandonment. Speaking for myself, feeling abandoned like an orphan is an underlying fear of mine. Sometimes parents are too busy with their own problems to be involved with their children, and those children can end up feeling pretty alone even though the parents are physically present. Parents can be emotionally absent, physically absent, mentally absent--there are all sorts of abandonment. There can be the sort of abandonment that happens when parents don't like their grown children having a different opinion or belief or child-raising strategy from theirs. So first, in my life, there was that whole emotionally absent thing going on with my parents, and then Dean and i lost one parent after another until we found ourselves adult orphans in 2001. Abandonment. Not always intentional, but always painful.

But Jesus said He wouldn't abandon me, wouldn't leave me alone--He would send me the Holy Spirit to take his place.

My friends said, "It sounds like God is relating to you in a way that speaks to you--with a sense of humor." i like the thought that a relationship with me is important enough to the God who created the whole pickin' universe (and me!) that He would not abandon me. That's an active thing. A two way thing.

Oh, and the topper for good friends? i have one that actually says she thinks i'm organized. (Thanks, Adina!) But the subject of why that is worth putting out front in lights is another subject for another day.