Another chant poem (cuz i dig it!)

“ONLY”

 

Morning hit harder than it should

so it took hours to get myself out of bed

It seems like no matter how well

I think I’ve slept, I’m still tired—

but it’s only fibromyalgia.

 

I took a shower, put on makeup

and then needed a short rest,

had a salad for lunch, though “fatigue”

doesn’t always equal “good choices”—

but it’s only fibromyalgia.

 

For three days last week

I thought my skeleton was on fire,

and today’s a much better day,

I only ache like the flu—

but it’s only fibromyalgia.

 

I was scared when I drove

‘round that familiar corner

and felt lost, hateful when

my brain’s all smogged up—

but it’s only fibromyalgia.

 

Good days I can go to the gym and

still run errands, but not usually,

sometimes people think me a lazy

maker of excuses ( even I call me useless—)

but it’s only fibromyalgia—

 

and that’s not like a REAL thing, is it?

I mean, you can’t SEE it….

Will she find fitness inspiration in a heart rate monitor? STAY TUNED!

i bought this Polar heart rate monitor, the FT40, from Amazon. (Yes, from Amazon. Doing my part to kill small business. Please forgive me.)

Lately i've kind of run out of my exercise and fitness mojo. i feel like when life came up and slapped me with my sister's unexpected death in March, my brain has been taken up by other things--since it has always looked for good "reasons" to not get off my duff and get active to stay healthier. But i must push on....FORWARD HO! and all that inspiring rot.

i preach it to others, this keeping active, this exercising thing, In Pursuit of Better Living with Fibro. And if i'm gonna preach it.... *SIGH*

So i'm hoping that once Ivania My Paid Friend the Trainer helps me get all the settings right on it, i will be filled with a Renewed Sense of Joy in Exercise. Perhaps i should be writing Polar's ad copy. Perhaps NOT if they actually wish to sell them. i can see it now: "POLAR HEART RATE MONITORS! JUST WEARING ONE IS NOT ENOUGH!"

i'll keep you posted. (--Get it? "Posted"? Blog "post"?)

Alrighty then. Beam me up, Scottie! (yes, i will likely be using my cool watch like i'm Captain Kirk. And you can't stop me.)

Skimmer's Recap: Get yourself one of these watches and you too can be cool like me. Meet me on the bridge in 5 so we can compare heart rates!

Taking care of business (everyday.)

As much as I'd like "self-care" to look like me and a big ol' bag of Lay's Barbecue chips with a side of cheesecake, I've learned much over the past years about what real, healthy self-care looks like.

I've worked on the mental/emotional part of it over the last decade, and the physical part over the last year. I'm learning to make better choices, to be aware of when my idea of self-care looks more like shooting myself in the foot. Don't think I've got it all straightened out with perfect self-discipline, oh no. I've even had some barbecue chips, just not the whole bag. I've had an ice-cream sundae, I just had a smaller one. And not every day. (Honestly, I've never been prone to huge binges, just lots of little bad choices that add up!) And the big part:

I went back to the gym this morning for the first time since my sister died on March 10th. I decided to show up for myself, for my health. It was tough, I haven't wanted to go out much the last couple of weeks. I feel a little helpless and a little hopeful on this whole grief thing; helpless because I don't know what to do or think about it, and hopeful because I know in time the blow will soften.

And meanwhile, I'll be taking care of myself, in a more positive way.

Life on Overwhelmed Lane.

I'm currently feeling overwhelmed by Too Much Information on health.

In the past couple of months there have been belly issues and gall bladder issues and fatigue issues and I've read and talked to doctors and talked to my naturopath and I'm traveling in the Land of TMI and seem to be stuck in Overwhelmed Lane. GAAA!!

The doctors have said various things like Just Exercise More and I Can Only Treat What the Numbers Say and the naturopath says Think About Acid/Alkaline and Take Two More New Things and by the way you can't take those together and this needs to be before you eat and these need to be this many hours away from food and other vitamins. The naturopath also says You Should Juice and that simply opens up a whole new realm of where do I put another appliance/ one more thing to learn about/ one more thing to clean and GAAAAAA!!!

I'm thinking it's much less work to just be unhealthy. Maybe not as enjoyable in the long run, but easier.