Monday, April 19, 2010

Seasonal thoughts on change.

Something happens over the winter. And it happens in my back yard.

i call it "nastification." All the remains of the wet season lay around like so many Thanksgiving leftovers. Weeds crop up in even the tiniest crack.

Everywhere i look something needs to be cleaned.

And who left the tools outside? If this was somebody else's moss-growing garage and somebody else's ruined tools, i'd think the photo was charming.

But then i look up to see new leaves on the poplar tree, bathing in the sun, doing that cool light-play i love so much.

And i notice my orange rosebush has amazing blooms, and even more amazingly, is still alive (no green-thumbs here, just California weather)

and my crawling, spreading white rose is crazy with new leaves and buds!

Color is returning as the geraniums are beginning to grow over the wall, making even the winter-mossed stones beautiful

and i realize that nastification is simply the result of the death it took to get to this place of new life.And i realize that all my striving to be good enough for spring requires death.

Death to my own struggle to be loveable and good enough in my Creator's eyes, and open-ness to the beauty and love and worth He's given me before i did anything to be loveable, to be good enough.

Why do i worry so much about being shiny enough? i can work and fall, work and fall. But my true worth doesn't come from the things i try to do to be lovable, or to be perfect. As i learn to turn my words of pain to God first--rather than griping to people--i'm taking steps to see myself through His eyes. The newness comes in its season. i just need to stop grumbling about the weeds on the ground and look up.

1 John 4:10: It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
Romans 5:8: But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Skimmer's recap: Look at the pictures, read the verses, ponder.

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