Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Ant Brigade.

Did you know ants can survive being microwaved?

i wasn't too happy to learn that bit of information. And the reason i learned it was because we had The Infestation of all Infestations. They were marching in from the kitchen's East wall--coming in one line, and splitting into two separate forces. i used my Lysol 4 in 1 to immobilize the troups, and Raid to make their entry and escape route unpleasant (well, deadly was the intention.) As i turned, full of the joy of my successful attack, to my dismay, what did i see but more ants looping the bottom of a cupboard on the North wall, clever devils. So again, i came in strong with my Lysol 4 in 1 with its Raid chaser--but further down the North wall more were attacking silently from the West end. While i took a break to reconsider my counter attack techniques, i put a cup of water in the microwave for tea, and lo and behold, little ant soldiers were scoping out the inside of said microwave.

"This oughta fry 'em!" i said. i mean, i know they're God's little creatures and all that, but death is a reality for all of us, right?

Pulling the cup out, i noticed the undaunted (though likely sterile) ants still marching around the edge of the microwave. Huh.

Adina cleans my kitchen/bathroom/family and dining areas every 2 weeks, so i asked if she would deal with the microwave for sure, telling her about the persistent ants. When i spoke with her later (should i tell this, Adina?) she said, "Ants die at 20 seconds in the microwave!"

In confusion i said, "Oh--it must have been because i had something else in there to absorb the waves..." To which she replied, cheerfully, "Well, if they are on a plate in the middle of the microwave, they only live to 20 seconds."

My hubby said, "So, a little experimentation, hmm?" Yes.

At the moment i've given up on the whole ant brigade, just immobilizing (with my Lysol) and relocating (down the garbage disposal) the troups as i find them, but i hear there's some great stuff in a bottle over at Home Depot that i can buy for my hubby to spray around the windows and foundation of the house (right, honey?) But what do i do about the 8 million little buggers in my yard?

6 comments:

Silliyak said...

And they taste like chicken! (but after 30 seconds they get kinda tough)

julia said...

BWAHHAHHAHHAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Jo said...

I am looking over my shoulder while I type this to make sure that none of them are reading. This is strictly between you and me, but we haven't been bothered by them this year....QUICK...Knock on wood!

It is my belief that ants and cock roaches are the only living creatured that survived the age of the dinasour.....

Now my question is, can you entice them into your microwave and what is your microwaves capacity for ants?

equichick8 said...

Well! I'm sure there are many people who now think differently about me, thanks to my good friend Julie. I must admit to a good measure of satisfaction at seeing the said ant quit his marching, keel over and squirm for half a second, before he squirmed no more.
I'll echo Julie's comment: I understand that torture is bad, but we all gotta face death right? But hopefully not in the microwave...

Hey, I was just there to clean the place right? Just doing my job...

Lea Ann said...

Is anyone else reading this post while humming the childhood song "The Ants Go Marching"? I think it was one of the many that we sang at Girl Scout Camp. So many fun songs! Was anyone going to ask if Julie is missing a rubber tree plant (Opps there goes another rubber tree plant)? It's late - should have already gone to bed.... But about all those ants in your yard. Actually in Alabama if you want to be rid of the dreaded fire ants you purchase ant poison and spread it over the entire yard with the spreader used for grass fertilizer. But then when dealing with fire ants one goes to extreme measures. One stray fire ant bit me while I was mowing the yard this week and now I have a red spot on my leg with a pistule that will hurt for 2 weeks before it goes away. The ants are bad, but the "palmetto bugs" - the polite southern name for cock roaches - are worse. The dang things fly and if one flies in your hair the reaction is often like something out the movie "The Birds". I hate when that happens :-).

julia said...

Good morning, all-- Jo, i can't believe you're free of them! Excellent--and the thought of even IMAGINING my microwave's capacity for ants is gag-worthy ;-)

Adina, dear, YES, of COURSE you were merely doing your job ;-) I'm pretty sure i mentioned something about the microwave... ;-D

Lea Ann, ummm, geee, ummm--fire ants and flying cockroaches, *AHEM* uh--i think instead of visiting you in Alabama we have to--i dunno, stay home and straighten something.... ;-) Oh, and thanks, now i have some songs to sing when i go into the kitchen in the morning to see the ant damage, where their new paths are, etc etc...

And my friend Rebecca says that for years she has used those Grants Ants Stakes--she takes the lid off, puts the cup of stuff in a jar lid, pours hot water in and stirs. Then she sets them out and about (of course out of the way of kids and pets) and the ants come and feast and take the goo back to their home and poison everybody. Sounds like an inexpensive way to go about the death trap--and to think she learned this from someone she was standing in line with at the store years ago! Ah, the little nuggets we're able to pick up if we just listen... ;-)