Lately i've been looking up dream meanings again. The good thing is, this means i must be sleeping deeply enough to dream. The bad thing is, last night i dreamed about Britney Spears.
Why Britney? i looked up dream meanings on the Dream Moods website. They gave me a number of options to consider regarding celebrities: dreaming a celebrity is a friend, dreaming a good friend turns into a celebrity, being carried off by a celebrity--i'm not so sure my dream needs all that much interpretation, since it involved a looong downhill conveyor belt/slide on which she was traveling with a lot of people, myself included, only she was doing a really poor job of watching her toddlers and just kept wandering off away from them. Oh, and Phil Stacy, the bald-headed contestant on American Idol? He was the father, and kept rescuing them from getting hurt. So, Britney Spears, not a great mom, slippery-slide downhill--you take a stab.
i should probably be concerned myself, though--i was also on the downhill slide. i've felt like that lately, certainly. A year ago i was on the great path of discovery that was the Cave Man Diet/Rare foods diet, had newly increased thyroid medication and had lost some weight and felt somewhat IN control for a change. Now, i do realize that "control is but an illusion"--but of late i feel especially OUT of control of many things.
Food just goes right along with that, always has. Oh sure, i eat my veggies, i eat my fruit--i *try* not to eat so many carbs and sugars. But if ice cream is in the house? Well, it becomes a loving companion to that nighttime cup of decaf coffee and visits often. Or cake? Or any kind of sweets for that matter?? Or creamy gravies?? THEY LOVE ME! THEY CALL ME! Ah, the slippery slope that is Comfort Food.
And exercise, or rather, the lack thereof--i have this excuse of a cast on my leg that keeps me from my elliptical machine. But before the cast? How many times had i been on it in the month previous? HMMM??
i keep thinking that i need to take back control--that thing which is but illusion-- But my achy body is not an illusion, the fatigue that debilitates is not an illusion. i keep waiting for something to give, my vitamins and supplements to kick in and kick butt. It's not happening. i wake up day after day after day feeling like i've been trampled by a pissed-off mule. i shove my way through the long morning hours, finally hitting a more productive afternoon. i make dinner, cleaning up as i go, and i'm pretty well done being useful for the day. i take my assortment of pills and go to sleep, hoping to wake the next day with the tiniest bit more energy, but instead i dream of going downhill with Britney Spears, and wake feeling jet lagged.